Empathy
February 3, 2010
Sometimes a topic comes up so often during the course of the day that you can’t ignore it.
The word for today was ’empathy’ and it followed me around like a lost puppy.
First was a link from the ‘Greater Good’ online magazine at University of California, Berkeley, asking if I wanted to take a quiz testing my Social Intelligence which is really a measure of empathetic response. I’ve taken the quiz before but encourage you to give it a try.
Then, a photographer friend asked me about Emotional Intelligence, which became a brief discourse in empathy and how it was crtical in most managerial situations. Emotional Intelligence is a key part of my coaching practice, although it involves much more than just empathy.
I was reading a Harvard Business Review article on change management and ‘bouncing back’ from crisis situations and the author pointed to empathy as a skill to be developed by a coach helping managers dealing with change.
Finally Arianna Huffington picked her book of the month, “The Empathetic Civilization” by Jeremy Rifkin which basically tells the evolution of modern society through the lens of human empathy. O.k. so that’s a simplification of 700 pages but it strikes me a bit like the old saying “if you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Granted I should wait until I’ve read the book, so I’ll withold further comment.
But I would certainly admit that empathy is an undervalued quality in managerial circles and I’m certainly glad it got some play for at least one day.
Poll Positions
February 1, 2010
When you work out of your home, you wind up answering a fair number of phone calls from people doing polls. Not that I have to, but I rather like trying to figure out the news story that will be written from the results.
Last week it was politics, this week was 3-D TV.
The political poll was being done by Quinnipiac University, which is a well respected small school in Western Connecticut, whose results usually get a lot of press during Presidential campaigns.
The general tenor was whether or not I approved of President Obama’s policies on everything from deficits to terrorism. Unfortunately my respect for the poll went out the window when I was given two choices on each question – approve- disapprove. The Republicans couldn’t have asked for a better survey, since, while I support Mr. Obama, I do have a few questions about some things.
There was very little likelihood The President was gonna come off looking good and I told the nice lady on the phone what I thought of the methodology. To my surprise she answered, “Yeah, a lot of people say that.”
Then she went on to thank me for even answering the questions, “Most of the people in California just hang up. I don’t know why but you are the first person form California who even took time to answer me, Thank you.”
No wonder the president has bad poll numbers, his supporters won’t even answer the poll. I can’t wait for the news release.
The second poll was two questions. When was the last time you went to the movies? Would seeing a movie in 3-D make it more or less likely that you would go to a movie even if it meant an additional cost?
Brought to us all by ‘Avatar.’ Now I will say that seeing ‘Bolt’ in 3-D was kind of fun, but would I base plans on it. Doubtful. And, since “Bolt’ was the last movie I saw in a theater I guess I’m not really the target audience.
I can’t wait for the poll on 3-D TV.
More bedside books
Last week when Apple’s new iPad was unveiled I made a reference to the collection of books on my bedside table. Several folks asked what I was reading, so I thought I’d provide the list. No, I’m not going to provide links so you can buy them, but send a comment and I’ll let you know how to download to your iPad.
Top of the pile is David Kessler’s “The End of Overeating.” I’m on a new diet so I need all the help I can get.
My wife gave me Julia Cameron’s “The Writing Diet.” which I glanced through enough to discover that writing is apparently the key to losing weight. Who knew?
Michael Pollan’s “Second Nature” is next. This is the only book Mr. Pollan has written that I have not read so I figured I should complete the rotation before I see him lecture next week at Saul’s Deli in Berkeley.
I got Dan Brown’s “Lost Symbol” a while ago, before I saw a bunch of reviews which trashed it. But I’ll start it and see if it holds my interest.
I find economic psychology and decision making fascinating so I have, “How We Decide” by Jonah Lehrer and “The Economic Naturalist” by Robert Frank waiting for me to make a rational decision and read them. In the same vein there is also “Sway” by Ori and Ram Brafman.
And finally, I have Sue Grafton’s latest mystery “U is for Undertow,” waiting for me when I need total relaxation. I used to count on the late Robert Parker for this kind of change of pace, (since it was based in Lynnfield, MA, my hometown) but since I travel to Santa Barbara, where Ms Grafton’s protagonist Kinsey Millhone hangs out, I made a small adjustment.
What was the last book I finished? “Billionaire’s Vinegar” by Benjamin Wallace – the true story of deceit and forgery that has rocked the wine industry. A fellow oenophile gave it to me as a present.
At some point I’ll give you book reports, if I finish any of them. My money’s on Sue Grafton.
Wellness Coaching
January 28, 2010
Recently, the Boston Globe, published an article about Wellness Coaching.
Basically, the article talks about patients who need help with the emotional side of a disease. There certainly is a need for this kind of work. I am painfully aware of it because my wife is a psychologist who deals with injured patients who will have to spend the rest of their lives dealing with chronic pain.
But I have a few issues with the article.
If you get wellness coaching from a program sponsored by the hospital–how do you know the coach isn’t more interested in the well-being of the medical institution than the patient?
And by the way, why wouldn’t helping someone deal with the emotional impact of a terrible disease or injury, be a normal part of the healing process–shouldn’t the doctor who is treating the patient take some responsibility for this. No, because the medical schools just teach technical skill and dealing with the emotional consequences is not part of the course work – too touchy feeley— takes too long–no money to be made there.
Unfortunately there is a connection between the psyche and healing – but don’t try to tell a surgeon that.
As you may have noticed this is a particularly sore subject because we see so many patients who are abandoned by their doctors when the surgeon can’t do any more and the patient is still in debilitating pain.
Wellness Coaching that also involves healthier lifestyles (stress management, food consumption, exercise) as well as emotional support, is certainly needed, but it needs to start sooner in the recovery process and its focus should be on a holistic approach.
Choosing a path
January 27, 2010
Went to dinner last night at a local deli with an identity problem. The restaurant has been in business for many years and was bought 15 years ago by a couple who have decided to move from traditional deli fare, to a business featuring local, sustainable and more upscale food concepts.
Problem is, the long-time patrons have been complaining that piled-high corned beef sandwiches, while they are still on the menu, have been cut down to size to be more sustainable. In addition local cucumbers to pickle are not available year-round here in Northern California.
What’s a restaurant to do? Well in Berkeley you schedule a forum with some well know foodies – headlined by Michael Pollan – and ask everyone what they think should happen.
I’m not sure what will happen but you can decide for yourself February 9th if you’re in the area.
Bedside books
If you’re like me you have a stack of unread books next to your bed. I never get to them because I take the newspaper with me and catch up before I head off to dreamland.
How much nicer would it be if my nightstand was clear except for a new new iPad which had all the books and the newspaper in one place. I know the Kindle could do the same thing but without the color and graphics. Watch for me in line when they go on sale next month.
It’s all relative-a lesson from the beach
Our neighbors in Hawaii are regulars at the local beach, so they know the water well. Recently, I joined them and remarked at how clear and calm the local bay looked. ‘Oh no,’ she said in horror, “the water is murky and look at the waves on the rocks over there.”
How could two people see the same scene and come up with such different conclusions. Easy, she lives on the island and has often seen the water crystal clear down to 10 feet and the surface looking like a large plate of glass. On the other hand, I just visit and often saw heavy surf churning up sand to leave the water cloudy even near the surface.
In life and management it’s not the observation that’s important but the frame of reference. Neither of us were wrong we were just applying different standards – a frequent problem when an employee and employer look at the same situation.
Greetings to all my friends to be
January 26, 2010
Hello world, or probably more properly hello again, since I spent 20 years writing for newspapers. Now in my 6-year career as an executive and personal coach I’ve had plenty of time to think of new things to say and new interests to explore.
This blog is designed for several audiences.
New managers who’ve been promoted after careers as line employees and don’t have a clue how to ‘manage’ people who were their co-workers days before and veteran managers who never really got any training before they got their jobs.
In addition I’ll ask you to put up with a few of my hobbies- gardening, wine and travel (mainly to Hawaii at this point) – and any other other topics that seem relevant.
So, thanks in advance for your attention and I look forward to your comments.
Test Your ‘Face Reading’ Skills
For many folks, emotional intelligence equates to empathy. In reality it is much more. But empathy is an important component. And part of empathy is the ability to ‘read’ the expressions of others.
Neuro-scientists tell us that we have specific neurons which allow us to look at someone and understand what they are feelings. Peop0le who can do this well, according to the scientists, have more of these neural endings and are more empathetic.
Perhaps the most interesting part of the research is that it is cross cultural. In other words, regardless of your ethnic background, the emotions displayed by the human face are the same in say, the United States, Japan, China, or the Middle East. Happiness, for example, has a universal set of facial characteristics.
If you want to test your skill the Center for Greater Good at University of California at Berkeley, has put out a new little quiz. Take a minute or two and see how you do. Then drop me a note and tell me if you think it was accurate. But remember, another component of Emotional Intelligence is self awareness – the ability to look at yourself objectively.
As the center says, you can improve your score over time with practice. Your ability to read the faces of others can come in handy in any situation where you deal with another human being. Which is just about all day, every day.